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TALENT NEWS. The TALENT NEWS is published the 1st. and 15th. of each month. SUBSCRIPTION RATES. Entered at the Talent Post Office as second BAMBOOZLING GRANDMA.
"There never was a grandma half so good!" William Harman, a resident of Titusville. Pa., committed suicide a few days ago from a melancholy conviction that he was his own grandfather. Here is a singular letter that he left: "I married a widow who had a grown up daughter. My father visited our house very often, fell in love with my stepdaughter, and married her. So my father became my son-in-law and my stepdaughter my mother because she was my father's wife. Sometime afterward my wife had a son; he was my father's brother-in-law and and my uncle, for he was the brother of my stepmother. My father's wife -- i.e., my stepdaughter -- had also a son; he was, of course, my brother, and in the meantime my grandchild, for he was the son of my daughter. My wife was my grandmother, because she was my mother's mother. I was my wife's husband and grand child at the same time. And as the husband of a person's grandmother is his grandfather, I was my own grandfather."—American Wood Worker. LOOK HERE!
Do you want any job printing done at reasonable rates?If you do you should not fail to call and examine our work and prices. All kinds of bill heads, letter heads, envelope heads, name cards, dance tickets and bills. Also mining notices etc. Place your subscriptions with the Ashland News Stand for any paper or magazine published on earth or anywhere else. Hasty will haste to get em and save you cost of money order and postage. [side 2] The Rev. Charles Hobart, an eminent clergyman of Oakland, California, is putting in his best licks to down the theory of evolution. He makes some strange breaks for a scholarly man, according to an interview with an Examiner reporter. His direct object of attack is the teaching of Prof. Joseph Le Conte of the University of California. That professor, he says, is doing great harm by teaching "as axiomatic truths" the gross misconceptions that, he affirms, are involved in the modern theory of evolution. A little close questioning on the part of the interviewer, however, elicited the fact that the noted divine knew very little about the mass of evidence upon which the theory of evolution is based. He demands "proof, absolute proof. Prove what you claim and I will believe, but I'll take nothing on faith." Well, that is about what Le Conte's agnostic students would probably demand of him as regards his theological teachings, but it is not at all likely that the Rev. Hobart would appreciate having the rule work both ways. He insists that evolutionists should trot out the "missing link" and lead it around for his inspection. Really upon the assumed absence of the "missing link" is based the main argument put forth by the objectors to the development theory. This objection, however, would give way under a careful reading of the best works on the theory in question. Furthermore the theory of gradual development and "survival of the fittest" has not been put forth as an absolute and axiomatic truth, else it would not be called a theory. And, too, the supporters of the theory welcome all the facts, and fair arguments that may be brought up in opposition. But what should be thought of such reasoning as the following by the Oakland divine: "But see the consequences of evolution. If the theory is true what becomes of the Scriptures?" This is on a par with the old farmer's clincher against the rotundity of the earth:-- "Them's my views and if facts are agin 'em, so much the worse for the facts." The following Hobartian argument, however, caps the climax: "I am told that he [Prof. Le Conte] has a most gentle and winning character and that all the students love him. Now it's inevitable that the mere fact that such a man believes a theory is a strong argument with the students in its favor." Isn't that brilliant logic? We wonder if the learned D. D. would object to lovable qualities in a teacher of theology. But this is an old and oft-used argument and as silly as it is old. AN UNDISCOURAGED FARMER.
I met a jolly farmer in a lovely Western [side 3] White House Oct. 22, '93
Editor News:I will take advantage of the few leisure moments I have to spare while Mrs. C. is getting breakfast in penning a short communication to the News. It will, I trust, tend to disabuse the minds of many in your state, who, I am aware are apt to consider the presidential office a pure sinecure. While I am forced to admit that there are some grounds for such an impression when the easy indolent course pursued by many of my predecessors is considered, yet I would assure the public that the position of the present incumbent is no picnic. The cares of state are unusually burdensome, but they are nothing compared with my domestic duties at the present time. That new arrival in our family is unaccountably fretful and peevish. My theory is that through an unconcious sympathy, she, takes on the general unsettled and restless condition of the country. Be that as it may, the care of keeping her quiet largely devolves on me. Very frequently I have to walk the floor with her for hours at a time. Often in the midst of an important cabinet meeting or when engaged in officially receiving some foreign embassader or potentate, or when my personal presence is required in any other state affair of pressing moment, I am summoned forthwith to go and trot the baby. Of course all this is annoying to the high functionaries who have to wait perhaps hours for my return, and exceedingly embarrassing to myself, but you know, the good book says that he who looketh not after his own household is worse than Bob. Ingersoll, -- or words to that effect. It is needless to say that my duties bear upon me heavily. I have fallen off 19 pounds in the last six weeks -- now weighing only 307. My main object however, in writing this is to give you a few points touching the financial question now absorbing the attention of congress. You and many other editors of influential journals seem to be laboring under the erroneous impression that I am not working for the best interests of the country in my advocacy of the gold standard. But let me assure you that silver has had its day. England has gone back on the white metal, other foreign countries won't stand in with us and the United States alone cannot maintain silver on a parity with gold. The people must bear in mind that without international agreement no standard of currency can be adopted that could be used in payment for all debts. At present, trade balances with the leading foreign powers have to be paid in gold; therefore gold must be our standard currency. But it is often asked:-- ''Can we not have a standard that is distinctively American?" For home use, for circulation among the masses and to be used in payment of small debts, yes. But this circulating medium should not be composed of silver. The demand is for ''honest money" and a dollar's worth of silver at its present market value put into a dollar coin would be too bulky and heavy. Editors, bankers and others who handle large amounts of money would not be satisfied with such a currency. Now to the point. Edison has solved the problem. He proposes to compress a bushel of wheat into a convenient size and put Uncle Sam's dollar stamp upon it. I had a long conference with the famous inventor relating to the matter. As as a result he entered at once upon a series of experiments with hydraulic pressure and has just written me that his labors have already demonstrated that a dollar's worth of nutritive material --mostly wheat -- can be compressed into the requisite size. Now I shall exert my utmost influence towards adopting this new currency It will be an illustration of American genius that will command the admiration of the world. The secret of manufacture will be retained by the government, therefore counterfeiting will be out of the question. The advantages of wheat money are manifold. Always containing in itself a dollar's worth of nutritive material, the new American dollar can, in case of emergency, be put to soak and used for food. Many a man with money in his pocket has been lost in the forest or cast away on some uninhabited island and died of starvation; but such a terrible fate could hardly befall one whose purse contained a few wheat dollars. The necessary mints for the coining of wheat into money would of course be established in every state so that any one who had an acre of land could raise hi own money. As the masses in the east are too old-fogyish to take at once to new methods I look to the West for aid and encouragement in bringing about the proposed financial revolution. Hoping and believing the News will lend its great influence to this end. I remain Yours Resp'y. G.C.
[side 4] TALENT NEWS.
Talent Or. November 1st, 1893.
LOCAL ITEMS.
John Atwater and son, Melvin, with their families have moved to Talent. A. W. Clemens and family have rented and moved onto a farm near Medford. Geo. Edwards returned from San Francisco Sunday evening. Jessie Beeson has returned from Ashland. She is now under the medical care of Dr. Parsons. Several more residents about Talent have found it necessary to post trespass notices. Bob and Earnest Purves left last Sunday evening for Applegate to pack apples for R. H. Moore. John Cabler from up above Ashland has moved on to John Holton's farm near Wagner creek. Mrs. Wilkison, mother of Mrs. J. E. Foss, left last Monday for Cal. to remain for the winter. Clara Lynch, Laura Webster and Hattie Garvin left last Monday for Dunsmuir to work for the winter. Chas. and Luella Sherman came in from Pokegama last Sunday. The former will return today; the latter will stay for the winter. Mrs. Lizzie Dyer and two sons, Arvol and Hubert, from up above Ashland were visiting relatives in Talent Sunday and Monday. Mr. Wallace, who has been living on the Kilgore place for a year and whose barn and team were destroyed by fire last summer, has moved to Ashland. The mate to the glove advertised in last issue has been found and both are at this office awaiting -- for thirty days --the call of the proper owner. R. H. Moore, who was atone time treasurer of this county was in Talent last week buying apples to ship to Montana. He secured several hundred boxes. Mrs. Geo. Robison received a telegram a few days ago stating that her brother, Wm. Bunce, of Idaho, is very low with fever and not likely to recover. Subscribe for the News.
The aged H. W. Dyer, who was stricken with paralysis about two weeks ago is yet very low. There is little hope of his recovery. His son, J. C. Dyer, of Wash., and two daughters, Mrs. N. E. Bartholomew and Mrs. R. Cole, of California, were summoned and arrived last week. Complaint is made that certain Talent boys of leisure have been disturbing Miss Towne's school on Wagner creek, by prowling about the school house discharging firearms etc, and that the teachers protests have no effect. We wish that such lawless boys could be made to know -- and feel -- that there is a law against discharging firearms on or near any public highway, within any incloser or near any house without permission. Jeff. Davison, an old pioneer living on Andersen creek, and who was widely known throughout the county as an honest, industrious farmer and worthy citizen, disappeared very suddenly a few days ago and has not since been heard from. It was supposed at first that he left on account of financial embarrassment but it is now thought otherwise. The affair has a mysterious look about it, to say the least. MATRIMONIAL.
A young lady, whose auburn ringlets have waved in the gentle zephyrs of 27 summers and who is gifted with an admirable disposition, prepossessing manners and a ready fund of practical intelligence, desires to correspond with some young gentleman not over thirty years of age with a view to matrimony. He must be good looking, short in stature, with dark hair and eyes, fairly educated and not afraid to work. No dude need apply. He must be a member of the Alliance, strictly temperate and not addicted to the use of tobacco in any shape. No property qualification necessary as the undersigned owns a fully equipped $5000 farm in Willamette which she expects her future husband to manage. Address
Katie Didd, Care Talent News, Talent, Oregon. A blue cross on the margin of the paper indicates that your subscription has expired. A prompt renewal cheereth ye editor muchly. |