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TALENT NEWS. The TALENT NEWS is published the 1st. and 15th. of each month. SUBSCRIPTION RATES. Entered at the Talent Post Office as second TRUE-HEARTED JENNIE BROWN.
Jennie Brown as a girl AN EDITOR'S BAD BREAK.
The Boston Traveller tells of how an editor lost two subscribers. They wrote to ask him his remedy for their respective troubles. No. 1, a happy father of twins wrote to inquire the best way to get them safely over their teething; and No. 2 wanted to know how to protect his orchard from the myriads of grasshoppers. The editor framed his answers upon the orthodox lines, but unfortunately transposed their two names, with the result that No. 1, who was blessed with the twins, read in reply to his query: "Cover them carefully with straw and set fire to them, and the little pests, after jumping about in flames a few minutes, will speedily be settled." No. 2, plagued with grasshoppers, was told to "Give a little castor oil and rub their gums gently with a bone ring." ECONOMY IN TOPEKA.
On account of the financial stringency the members of the seven religious denominations of Ashland, Kan. have agreed to sit in one church, listen to one minister and drop their mites into one box. This will add six clergymen to the great army of unemployed. Other drought-stricken communities will adopt the same plan. -- World. A blue cross on the margin of the paper indicates that your subscription has expired. A prompt renewal chereth ye editor muchly. [side 2] SHE DREW THE LINE AT KISSES.
Her eyes were soft and dark as night, "UNITED SATES IS" NO MORE.
David Dudley Field tells us not to join the singular verb, is or was, to the plural nominative, United States. He argues that while the Union is one and the United States government is one, it is a violation of the simplest rules of syntax to call forty-four states, one. All correct, Mr. Field. We have been accustomed to consider United States as a singular nominative; our schoolmams have so taught us, but henceforth "are" goes. CALL AT THE NEWS OFFICE FOR JOB PRINTING. A TIMELY WARNING.
Let all young husbands list awhile BREAKING IT GENTLY.
Young Wife -- Why, dear, you were the stroke oar at college, weren't you? Young Husband -- Yes, love. "And a very prominent member of the gymnastic class?" "I was the leader." "And quite a hand at all athletic exercises?" Quite a hand? My gracious? I was the champion walker, the best runner, the head man at lifting heavy weight and as for carrying -- why, I could shoulder a barrel of flour -- "Well, love, just please carry the baby a couple of hours. I'm tired." -- Philadelphia Press. Place your subscriptions with the Ashland News Stand for any paper or magazine published on earth or anywhere else. Hasty will haste to get 'em and save you cost of money order and postage. [side 3] RHYMES ABOUT EYES.
Here is a handful GOOD NEWS -- An exchange reports that an editor, disguised as a preacher, succeeded in passing St. Peter and is now in heaven. The full details of this remarkable affair are not yet in but it seems that the editor, true to the ruling passion, at once commenced rushing around with his cverlasting note book and pencil gathering the cream of the news. which thoughtless proceeding led to his identity. To have a newspaper man among the saints would never do. He must be ejected. So a vigilant search was made throughout all the highways and byways of heaven for a lawyer to fix up the necesssiry papers for his ejectment; but no lawyer could be found and the editor holds the fort. DEATH AS IT IS.
Perhaps the most common mistake of the lay mind is the association of the dra matic with the conception of death. Nothing is more common than to hear from the pulpit pictures in words of excitement, of alarm, of terror, of the deathbeds of those who have not lived religious lives, yet, as a rule, if these pictures are supposed to be those of the unfortunates at the moment of death, they are utterly false. In point of fact, ninety-nine of of every hundred human beings are unconscious for several hours before death comes to them; all the majesty of intellect, the tender beauty of thought of sympathy or charity, the very love for those for whom love has filled all waking thoughts, disappear. As a little baby just born into the world is but a little animal, so the sage, the philosopher, the hero or the statesman, he whose thoughts or deeds have writ themselves large in the history of the world, become but dying animals at the last. A merciful unconsciousness sets in as the mysterious force we call life slowly takes leave of its last citadel, the heart, and what is has become what was. This is death.-- Cyrus Edson in North American Review. The Oregon Independent, Governor Pennoyer and G. S. Downing, superintendent of the state prison, are having lots of fun down at Salem. The Independent charges Downing with the worse kind of official crookedness. The governor publishes a statement to the effect that that official is a gentleman and a scholar and the innocent victim of a malicious persecution. But if Mr. Downing is so pure and spotless, isn't it a little queer that he doesn't accept the cordial invitation of the Independent to bring a libel suit against its publishers? LOOK HERE!
Do you want any job printing done at reasonable rates? If you do you should not fail to call and examine our work and prices. All kinds of bill heads, letter heads, envelope heads, name cards, dance tickets and bills. Also mining notices etc. [side 4] TALENT NEWS. LOCAL ITEMS.
Social dance in the hall to-morrow night. Harry Gender returned from San Francisco last Tuesday evening. Miss. Clara Lynch is up from Dunsmuir on a visit. Robt. Purves returned home last Sunday from Willows, California. The Conwill brothers have moved into Chas. Harvey's house north of Talent. H. H. Goddard will administer upon the estate of the late B. C Goddard. Edith Coleman, daughter of M. H. Coleman, has been very ill with Malaria for several days, but is now recovering. Mrs. Crit. Tollman arrived from her home in Alaska last Sunday on a visit to relatives and friends. Jack Lovelady started for Crescent City last week with a load of fruit and vegetables. Jeff. Davison's thresher has quit for this season, having broke a valve on the engine. Big Jim Briner and Rush Glanden are camped at the cinabar on Applegate prospecting. Notwithstanding the scarcity of silver there was quite a sprinkling of Wagner creekers at the circus last Saturday. School will commence in the Talent school house the second Monday of this month. Report has it that there is a deadly conflict going on between the people of Talent and the planing mill fleas. The fleas still hold the fort. A. W. Clemens, who has lately had a cancer removed from his lip, thinks the operation successful so far as the cancer is concerned. His general health, however, does not improve as he was led to think it would. There was quite a sensation in Talent last Sunday over a report of a deadly conflict between cattle and sheep men over on Applegate and that three men were killed; but as one of the "killed" rode past our office since then, we conclude it was a big scare just to help out the hard times. Rev. Robert Sherill preached at the Beeson grove last Sunday at 11 a. m. and 4 p. m. Basket dinner between services. The speaker takes a mournful view of the present hard times; thinks they are growing worse and will continue to grow worse and that all efforts of man are powerless to alleviate the present distress. We consider such gloomy utterances decidely harmful. True, the times are a little out of joint, but we will bet all the available cash assets of the News ($1.34) that affairs in general will be all O. K. in less than six months. Oscar Holt, son of John Holt, of Talent, has been engaged as principal of the Talent school for the winter term. Miss. Zella Cheney, of Lake county, Cal., will have charge of the primary department. Mr. Holt is well known in this community as a young man of high moral character and, from the success he has had elsewhere in teaching, is believed to be thoroughly qualified for the position. Several years ago Mr. Holt and ye associate editor bore the relation of pupil and teacher, but we strongly suspect that that relation might properly be reversed about this time. Miss. Cheney has had several years experience in conducting primary departments and possesses the rare merit of securing the highest respect and obedience on the part of her pupils, which is absolutely essential to success in imparting instruction. The general opinion is that the directors have exercised excellent judgement in the matter of securing teachers and there is little doubt that we shall have a firstclass school for the win-ter. BORN.
Near Medford on the 25th inst, to the wife of Henry Hansen a son.MARRIED.
At the Colver residence in Phoenix, on the 30, inst, Prof. Gus. Newbery of Jacksonville, to Miss. Nellie Rose of Phoenix. Prof. Newbery is well known as one of the leading educators of this part of the state, at present holding a prominent position in the Ashland schools. The bride is also an excellent teacher and will teach in the Bish district the coming winter. The News joins their many friends in wishing them a long and happy life. Weeks Bros. for furniture.
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