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VOL. 2. TALENT, OREGON, AUGUST 1st, 1893. No. 13.

The TALENT NEWS is published the 1st. and 15th. of each month.

One year................ 25 cents
Six months.............. 1/4 of a dollar,
Three months............ Two bits.

Entered at the Talent Post Office as second
class mail matter.


Zack Bumstead uster flosserfize
About the ocean an' the skies,
An' gab and gas from morn till noon
About the other side the moon,
An 'bout the natur' of the place
Ten miles be-end the end of space
An if his wife she'd ask the crank
Ef he wouldn't kinder try to yank
Hisself outdoors and git some wood
To make her kitchen fire good,
So she c'd bake her beans an' pies,
He'd say, "I've got to flosserfize."
And then he'd get and flosserfize
About the natur' an' the size
Of angel's wings, an' think an' gawp
An' wonder how they made 'em flop.
He wondered ef yer bored a hole
Right through the earth f'um pole to pole
An' she'd trip and stumble through,
The best thing you had oughter do.
He'd calkalate how long a skid
'Twould take to move the sun he did,
An' if the skid was strong an' prime,
It could't be moved by supper time.
An' w'en his wife 'ud ask the lout
Ef he wouldn't kinder waltz about
An take a rag and shoo the flies,
He'd say, "I've gotter flosserfize.''

An' so he'd set an flosserfize
About the yerth an' sea an' skies,
An' scratch his head and ask the cause
Of w'at there wuz before time wuz;
An' w'at the universe 'ud do
Bimeby w'en time hed all got through!
An' jest how fur we'd hev to climb
Ef we sh'd travel out er time,
An' ef we'd need w'en we got there
To keep our watches in repair.
Then ef his wife sh'd ask the gawk
Ef he wouldn't kinder try to walk
To where she had the table spread
An' kinder get his stomach fed
He'd leap for that ar kitchen door
An' say, "W'y didn't you speak afore?"

An' w'en he'd got his supper et,
He'd set an' set an' set an' set,
An' fold his arms and shet his eyes,
An' set an, set an' flosserfize.
                               --Oregon Independent.

  It seems now to be the exception to hold a social dancing party in this neighborhood without having in attendance one or more "gallant" young men who come prepared to make themselves a disgusting nuisance. Do these youthful inebriates imagine they are elevating themselves in the estimation of people who have respect for decency? Are they by such a course elevating themselves in their own estimation? We should suggest that each of the youthful whiskey guzzlers of Talent and vicinity proceed at once to organize himself into a committee of one for an hour to carefully consider this matter. Let him get right down to business and reflect seriously upon the subject; then let him be candid enough to make his conclusion known to the public. This would be fair. If he. concludes to go right on in the un-even tenor of his way and continue indulging in "good times" (?), the rest of the community will cease to hope for his reform and will know just what to expect. On the other hand if a careful consideration of the matter enables him to see himself as others see him and is followed by an earnest resolution to "right about," why, it will be well with him here and hereafter and very gratifying to the community.

The News,
  The News,
    The News,
      The News
is the place to get job printing done.

[side 2]


  A fat man with a soft brown hat walked briskly into a Main street restaurant and took a seat at the lunch counter, says the Buffalo Express. The man who was presiding over the section of the counter at which he sat ambled over to him and said:
  "Well?" repeated the fat man.
  "Whatcher want?" asked the waiter.
  "Gimme a peice of apple pie and a glass of milk."
  ''Hain't got any apple pie sir."
  "What kind of pie have you got?"
  "Coconut pie and lemon pie. sir."
  "Gimme a piece of lemon pie."
  The waiter went away and returned with a slab of dark-brown pastry and a glass of light-blue milk.  The fat man sawed off a piece of the pie and transferred it to his mouth. A pained look came over his face, but. he gulped the pie down and beckoned to the waiter.
  "What kind of pie is this?" he asked.
  "What kind did you order, sir?" asked the waiter.
  "Lemon pie."
  "Well sir, that must be lemon pie then."
  "But it ain't lemon pie."
  "Ain't lemon pie, sir?"
  "Not by a darn sighty."
  "Sure it ain't lemon pie, sir?"
  "Of course I'm sure."
  "That's funny, sir."
  "Nothing funny about it. What" kind of pie is it?"
  The waiter leaned over the counter and said in a hoarse whisper:
  "Confidentially, sir, I have tried to work that pie off for apple, pineapple, pieplant, peach and prune, and it didn't go; and if it ain't lemon I'm darned if I know what it is."


  I had stopped to smoke a pipe with a Georgia "cracker" on a log at his door, and noticing the general shiftlessness of the surroundings, I finally asked:
  "Why don't you fix the roof of your cabin?"
  "Gwine ter some day," he replied.
  "That chimney ought to be rebuilt."
  "I'm a considerin' to do it."
  "I should be afraid that stable would fall down and kill the mule."
  "Reckon I've got to prop it."
    ''The weeds appear to be too much for your corn."
  "Yes, weeds is powerful around here."
  He was so placid and good-natured about it that I ventured further, and said.
  "It seems to me that with ambition and hard work you could not only make a good living on this place, but get something ahead.''
  "I could fur suah," he answered.
  "Then why don't you do it?''
  "Waiting for what?''
  "Waitin' fur to git that ambishun you spoke of."
  "And do you think you'll ever get it?"
  He refilled his pipe; lighted it, and slid off the log to get a brace for his back. When he had got comfortably settled, he queried:
  "Stranger, yo, doan' live around here I reckon?"
  "'Cause if yo' did you'd diskiver that I hev a mighty good thing of it as it is. and would be a fool to let go fur sumthin new." -- Detroit Free Press.


  "You'll be sorry for this some day!" howled the son and heir as his father released him from the position he had occupied across the paternal knee:
  "I'll be sorry? When?"
  "When I get to be a man!"
  "You will take revenge by whipping your father when you are big and strong and I am old and feeble, will you, Tommy?"
  "No, sir," blubbered Tommy, rubbing himself, "but I'll spank your grandchildren till they can't rest." -- Chicago Tribune.


Do you want any job printing done at reasonable rates?

  If you do you should not fail to call and examine our work and prices.

All kinds of bill heads, letter heads, envelope heads, name cards, dance tickets and bills. Also mining notices etc.

[side 3]

I've often wondered how he feels,
  When troubles come his way,
When every thing goes wrong, and clouds
  Obscure his sunny day;
For instance, when a gust of wind
  Takes off the tile he wears,
I wonder what he things about,
  The man who never swears.
Or when to make a business trip
  He hastens through the rain,
And gains the station just in time
  To miss the morning train;
How does he feel as in the west
  The express disappears?
I wonder if he thinks bad words.
  The man who never swears.
The world is full of trying scenes,
  No matter where you go,
The truly good are tempted sore,
  As you, perhaps, may know;
And when I find him vexed and mad
  My sympathy he shares,
For I imagine how he feels,
  The man who never swears. 
                                     --Cincinati Times.


  In a certain church in Ireland a young priest was detailed to preach. The occasion was his first appearance, and he took for his text "The Feeding of the Multitude." He said: "And they fed ten people with ten thousand fishes." An old Irishman said: "That's no miracle; begorra, I could, do that myself," which the priest overheard. The next Sundry the priest announced the same text, but he had it right this time.  He said: "And they fed ten thousand people on ten loaves of bread and ten fishes."  He waited a second or two and then leaned well over the pulpit and said: "And could you do that, Mr. Murphy?"
  Mr. Murphy replied: "And sure, your reverence, I could."
  "And how could you do it, Mr. Murphy," said the priest.
  "And sure, your reverence, I could do it with what was left over from last Sunday." -- Glendale Encinal.


  This office was in need of a mailer, but instruments such as are in general use were too high in price for us. Seeing the advertisement of a new patent and very cheap we ordered one. When we opened the pill-box and examined the machine we involuntarily ejaculated "sold."'
  Indeed we would have parted with it then and there at 99 2/3 percent discount. but we read the directions and experimented with the seeming toy.  It gradually rose in value and by two hours it had reached par and is still a going up.
  Really it was not the machine alone for which the price was asked, but the brain work of the inventor. Well, why shouldn't a man have pay for exercising his brains in inventing any labor saving-implement? This reminds us of an incident that well illustrates this point.
  Something got wrong with the water pipes connected with the steam engine of a large factory. The work was in a rush and to shut down even for a day would cause a loss of several hundred dollars.
As a last resort an expert machinist and all-round genius was called in. He removed the obstacle in a way that no one else knew how to do and in five minutes had everything in running order.
  His bill was $25.50.  Though somewhat astonished at the amount, the proprietors paid the bill but out of curiosity asked why he made it just twenty five dollars and fifty cents.  The reply was that he charged fifty cents for his work and $25.00 for "knowing how."    As he had saved the company many times that sum, they could not complain. It is said that one invention of Edison's has saved $15,000,000 to the United States alone.
  Sir Humphrey Davy by the invention of the safety lamp was the means of saving thousands of lives and untold millions of wealth to Great Britain. Surely brains -- some brains -- are valuable and we should not grumble at paying a reasonable royalty to inventors.   Henceforth our subscribers will see their address neatly printed on the margin of the News but they needn't feel at all sorry for us when they are told that we pay at least 1500 per cent royalty for the machine that does the work.   We are willing to pay for brains.

[side 4]

TALENT OR.    August   lst,   1893.


Mrs. Augusta Boswick visited her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Lewis Schnider last week.

Rev. Robert Sherill preaches in the Lynch school next Sunday.
Wm. Addison and family returned from Nevada last Thursday evening.

Joseph Robison whose leg was amputated a few weeks ago was seen to ride by our office the other day in a cart.

Several from Talent and vicinity went to Ashland last Thursday to "take in" or get "taken in" by the circus.

The last of the hay has gone into the barn or stack and the headers and threshers have started.

J. S. Aid came over from Pokegama last week to visit relatives in Phoenix and friends in Talent.

Jeff. Davis'  thresher did its first Stewarts,' near Talent.

C. K. Klum and family and Wm. Addison and family started for Klamath county last Sunday on a camping tour.

A Mr. Rogers and his family from Washington, are stopping in one of Joseph Robison's houses near Talent. They talk of settling in this valley.

W. H. Hurley has had some bills printed to try and sell his farm on Ander son creek.  Any one wishing a small place will do well to call on him.

W. J. Dean and wife and daughter Minnie and Mrs. M. H. Coleman and daughter Edith, visited Emmett Beeson's mountain ranch last week.


  If you have send him to Weeks Bros. Phoenix or Medford to buy furniture.

  Miss. Effie Terrill who went to Southern California a few weeks ago was married on the 16th ult. to W. H. Seiman.
  They are stopping at San Luis Obispo.

  Take the News for one year.

  A blue cross on the margin of the paper indicates that your subscription has expired. A prompt renewal cheereth ye editor muchly.

  The boys who entered a miner's cabin on Wagner creek a few weeks ago and wantonly destroyed provisions etc., were interviewed by the sheriff.  The affair was settled but the sheriff gave the boys some wholesome instructions which they would do well to heed.

  Place your subscriptions with the Ashland News Stand for any paper or magazine published on earth or anywhere else. Hasty will haste to get 'em and save you cost of money order and postage.

  The directors of South Wagner creek district have engaged Miss. Nelly Towne to teach the fall term of school. This is evidence of the excellent satisfaction she gave as teacher in the same district last spring. Miss. Towne is young but intensely in earnest and enters into the business with a zeal and energy that would do credit to a teacher that had been in the pedagogic harness for twenty years.
  We make a guess that she never learned the art of putting on "sassiety" airs and that she belongs to no fashionable "400," which is evidence of superior common sense and ability [to] make herself useful in the world.


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