VOL. 1. MARCH 1, 1892. No. 3.
THE THIRD PARTY.
The Third Party is booming.
Now the third, it hopes soon to be the first and only party.
What a taultress [faultless ?] platform!
"Equal rights to all; special privileges to none." When this is carried out, the Millennium will be right upon us.
But, should even so promising a party as this get into power, isn't it barely possible that enough of the old A-damic nature will crop out to prevent the full realization of this splendid dream? Special privileges to none! Somehow this seems a flattering ''promise to the ear," only to be "broken to the hope."
We will wager a peck ot potatoes that not one in ten of the Third Party movers appreciate the full significance of these words.
Do they realize that, if this principle were carried out one billion dollars worth of church property in the United States would pay taxes; that there would be no laws enforcing the observance of Sunday as a sacred day; that the World's fair would be open every day in the week, that there could be no more religious teaching in our public schools: in a word, that every department of government would be strictly secular?
That the old parties have passed the zenith of their glory and are slowly, but none the less surely, descending into the dreary Shades, is evident, but they have had such a jolly, good time loving each other for the past forty years, that they ought to step down and out and give more glittering promises a show.
How many celebrated George Washington's birthday, the 22 ult?
DO FIGURES LIE?
Editor NEWS:-- Please answer the following: Two neighbors go to a city to sell eggs, each having thirty dozen. One sells at the rate of 3 doz. for a dollar, the other [Of course the best talker: Ed.] at the rate of 2 dozen for a dollar. Now the former evidently receives $10, and the latter $15. = $25.
The puzzling feature is this:
The former gets a dollar for 3 doz., the latter a dollar for 2 doz.; therefore every 5 dozen brings $2, and 60 dozen would bring $24.
Our questioner supposes that as often as one sells 3 dozen, the other sells 2 dozen. But if this were the case, ten sales would exhaust the first one's basket and he would, have $10. The latter would also have $10, and 10 dozen eggs left; so the former sits on a dry-goods box in front of the Post Office while the other sells the remaining ten dozen, getting $5. Total $25. See!
But, don't send mathematical questions They are not of general interest.
It is proposed to have U. S. senators elected by the people.
Good; but why not elect postmasters in the same way.
Why is the letter K like a pig's tail? Because it's at the end of pork.
Who was the first to swear in his world? Eve. How so?
For first class job printing patronize the NEWS. Office No.
33 B[e]eson Avenue; second floor.
The TALENT NEWS will be published the 1st, and 15th, of each
Boys and girls of all ages are cordially invited to call at the NEWS office, but they are especially cautioned against endangering their health and happiness by monkeying with the type, press screws etc., as the editor has just received a part of a car load of dinamite, six-shooters, repeating rifles and Texas toothpicks, all of which will no doubt be brought into frequent play in keeping order about the premises.
If any of our exchanges wish to profit by our large experience in the news-paper business and pattern after the NEWS,--
As to the size
They have full liberty to do so.
Nothing selfish about us. By the way, the above poetic lines are original with us.
We seldom drop into poetry but when we do our readers will be charmed.
Please notice the rhyme in the above couplet.
Isn't it faultless? And the brevity! How much is expresed in so few words.
Sorry to have to puff our own literary work but, in the newspaper business one often times finds it necessary to obey the Scriptures where it is written: "He that bloweth not his own horn, wherewith shall it be blown."
The Talent Dramatic and Literary Club have decided to give a dramatic entertainment in the near future. Full announcement will be given in due time.
Edward Foss made a pleasant call at our sanctum a few days since, and subscribed for the NEWS.
LAW IS UNIVERSAL.
From a communication in the Valley Record, written by a citizen of Talent, we learn that "law is universal." Well, who says it isn't? The same article further informs us that "law is love, is God," and that Agnostics and others who don't indorse this view are ''know-alls or know-nothings" -- presumably the latter. Then, henceforth we are to understand that law, love, and God are synonymous terms.
A new Trinity! Of course Law and Love will have to be written with a big L. Must we write lawyer with a big L too?
At its last meeting, Wagner grange settled forever (though not by unanimous vote) the following question, which has puzzled the world untill now:--
Does the top of a wagon wheel, move faster than the part next to the ground?
After a warm discussion, a wheel being introduced, by way of demonstration, it was decided in the affirmative.
The question:-- Does it require more pickets to fence a hilly farm than it does a level one? was decided in the negative.
The question:-- Why do we cook our food? was left undecided.
Where is the "oldest settler" that has experienced a more delightful Febuary?
The Rev. A. Wilcox preached at the Lynch school house last Sunday, the 28th ult.
Our readers are requested not to scan too closely for mistakes on the first page of this number.
We are informed that Abbott and Hanson, of the Wagner Creek saw-mill, have dissolved partnership; Mr. Hanson now being sole proprietor.
Miss. Ollie Purves, and Mrs. Eva Dewey left on Saturday last
for California. The former stops at Dunsmuir and the latter goes on to
Oreland, Glenn County.